Angela
My ex boyfriend would tell me that I was too expensive, point out small things like you forgot to turn off a light you're running up the bill, you loaded the dishwasher wrong, didn�t I tell you not to put this in the sink, or that I was using him, etc. When I began to keep lights turned off, he told me that I blow things out of proportion. During a camping trip he grabbed my dog�s collar, my dog started gagging and both his feet lifted from the ground. He even told me that he rubbed two of my cat�s faces in urine. One day at the beach in front of a large crowd he screamed, �Where the f*** were you, I told you to stay right here�. A few times he threw his cell phone at me, once in front of two of my friends. When we first started dating he would text me and if I didn�t answer he would send me an email. He would send me dozens of emails and text messages a day.
       His mother used to drive him to and from the metro for work every day; she walked his dog once or twice a day, took showers at his apartment, texted, called and emailed a dozen times a day. She would mail him several cards each month and for each holiday. She began sending cards for his cat and dog too. She would but him several bags and boxes of candy each week, several times a week they would drop off food and a couple times a month they would give him boxes of gifts. Most of the gifts have never left the box and the boxes of food lay rotting. When we went to a knife show his mother had a large gift basket with fruit, cheeses and chocolate waiting for him.
He told me that his previous girlfriend was dumb and not cute and that she cheated in med school and has no friends. She was repeatedly raped and beaten in India. After that experience she enjoyed being raped and beaten and that she asked him to rape and beat her which he did.  He kept telling me how she loved it when he ejaculated on her face. He used to tell me over and over again how dirty she was for going to work with �cheese� on her hair. He tried doing that to me one day. He asked me where he wanted him to finish and I told him not on me. He started ejaculating on my chest and pointing towards my face. It didn�t get on my face but I noticed it had gotten on my hair I mentioned it to him and he apologized. When he broke up with her he bragged that she went to the sex store looking for a dildo that resembled his penis. He also told me that another girlfriend called Trojan to custom order condoms since the store bought ones didn�t fit. The woman gasped when she heard his
  measurements. In high school he dated someone for two years but he claimed to not like her. He said all of his girlfriends were mean to him.
       He would often endlessly harangue me with questions. He would follow me from room to room asking the same questions over and over again. One day I told him he was harassing me. He would slam doors, hit walls and stomp all over the house. He made negative comments about all of my friends and became angry when I spent time with them. He would always tell me to not do anything nice for my friends.  He would call my dog stupid all the time. I noticed the animals would refuse to go near him.
One time he saw my roommate in a towel, he told me that he wanted to tap that. Whenever he didn't get his way he would call me stubborn. He would walk in on me while I was on the toilet or taking a shower. I especially couldn�t stand how he would put his hand down my pants when I was sleeping. On one occasion we were having sex and suddenly he rammed his penis into my behind even though I had told him not to several times before. It was extremely painful, he pretended it was an accident. The week I left he forced himself on me after I said no and pushed him. He even dragged me one day after we had broken up the second time. One day I as I was lying in bed I asked him if he would ever kill me. He laughed and said no. A few times when he heard the dogs barking he took out his gun and went to check the door. When he lived in Baltimore he would clean his handgun outside on the balcony so his neighbors would be quiet.
       I refused to meet his friends for the most part. I could tell something wasn�t right. One of our mutual friends had killed her pet by accident when she left to go on vacation for a weekend and didn�t get a sitter or leave food or water. Another friend was so violent she was ordered into anger management by the court. She has an open marriage with her husband and during her party which I declined to go to she made out with a female guest and fingered her. When he showed me the next he was chuckling and very impressed. He would constantly berate all of his friends. He refers to one of his friends as extremely stupid. He threw him across the room and punched him while they lived in Baltimore. When his friend chose to go to another bar for his after wedding party he refused to go because he didn�t choose the bar that he wanted.
        I would find random boxes of trash in every corner of the house, under beds and in closets. He�d have a collection of junk mail over a year old, melted or stale candy in every room, rotting and expired food, every inch of the house was covered with dust.  He would constantly lose things, move my things and claim he never touched them, my things would go missing.
       Every time he was mean to me he would buy me something and when I started to become distant he began buying me more things and would get even more upset that I wasn�t happy. He kept reminding me of his sacrifices and I told him to mail me an invoice. When I told him I had to leave because I couldn�t take his anger anymore he told me that he was not angry, he was concerned. Another time he was looking at my Facebook pictures and he told me that my picture was ugly as shit. When he looked at my old high school pictures he kept telling me that I must have been the biggest dork in school. 
       One day I got so ill I was bedridden. He took me to the urgent care center and paid for everything. The rest of the day he told me that he had spent so much money and that it was an expensive weekend and he'd have to watch his expenses for the next week. Whenever we went out to eat if he paid he would show me the receipt. On our first date to an Italian restaurant he put the check in front of me and made me look at the total. Whenever I got up to use the bathroom at night he would ask me where I was going and if I was ok.
       A neighbor�s dog and his dog got into a fight and our neighbors arm was bitten, he was swollen and bruised. When he said it hurt, my ex, said Really, that hurts. I went to buy him chocolate and see how he was doing and he told me it was unnecessary. He used to crush people with his hand shake. When I told him people said it was painful he said they were weak.
       Whenever he would scream, insult me or curse at me he would tell me it never happened, even right after it happened. One day he used the F word at me for using a metal spoon on a pan. I told him we couldn�t be friends anymore. He swore he never yelled or cursed at me. I was so upset I was in tears. He came up to me and said wow; I�ve never seen you cry. After another one of his rages where he called me crazy, I began taking my things out of his room. He called me a victim. I told him victims don�t leave.
       Within four months of dating he told me that I was the love of his life. He would be so confused when I didn�t believe him. He asked me to marry him dozens of times, just casually while I was trying to sleep, he kept asking me over and over even after I told him that I would never marry him. He even showed me the wedding ring that he planned to buy me and mentioned how cheap it was at Costco.
       He set up a joint checking account and asked me to close my personal account. When he got the statement for our joint checking account, he asked me where the money went. I never had any privacy. He would constantly check in on me. If I closed a door he would open it. If I ever locked a door he would question me. By this point I knew there was something very wrong but I didn't know what it was. I was scared all the time. It was the first moment I realized that this was serious, so I googled abusive boyfriend and found yahoo answers. I wrote down all of the little things that had been happening and people started telling me to run.
       Moving day finally came. I had to go to court for a traffic ticket and so I locked all the cats in their room. I told him to stay away from the cats. After I left I went back and saw that he let the cats out into his room. On my way to court I texted him and told him to stay away from my animals. I threatened to call the police and to tell everyone about what he was doing. I told him to lock his gun up and that I am scared to death of him. That night he got a domestic violence restraining order against me. Two days later he walked by my house and stared directly into my window. The day of the court trial he asked the judge to drop the case. I had also filed an order on him and I was denied, even though I told the judge about the incident where he slashed my roommate�s power cord and sofa. A few days later he told me that he never wanted to file a restraining order against me that he did it to protect me. He then asked me to go to couples counseling.
       When I tried to get my stuff back from him he told me to stop by at 8 pm. That day at 8 pm he texted me and asked me to come at 9 and then he told me to come the next day. I told him to throw my stuff away. He sent me another message saying that I always get mad when he tries to help me. He kept my nicest most expensive items and he gave me back the inexpensive used items.
       When I looked back at many of my emails I can see all the clues that I missed. In one email I asked him to get stress management and he responded, so you think I am dangerous or something? He went to a psychologist when he was four because he hated people.
I never told a soul what was happening but my friends, co-workers and neighbors knew something was wrong and they supported me through this. I still keep the power cord that he slashed under my bed and I know that I am finally safe.


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